Once I did get my day started, I decided to go grocery shopping. I should mention that I got my last paycheck today. So I made a list, grabbed my coupon envelope (because I'm 80 years old and actually have a coupon evelope) and walked out the door.
I always try to guesstimate my total as I'm shopping so that I don't get caught off guard when I check out. It's just a habit and a game I like to entertain myself with when I'm shopping alone. And yes, (for those wondering) sometimes I am the crazy lady talking to myself in the middle of the store. If I'm okay with it then ya'll should be too! :o)
Well today I was in Target, normal as could be and suddenly I just teared up as I put paper towels in my basket. There is absolutely nothing emotional about paper towels. So there was absolutely no reason why I should have been tearing up. But there I was, tearing up, talking myself into actually buying the paper towels because 1) I needed them and 2) the double roll 12 pack was on sale for $8.99. So I put them in my basket and walked down the aisle asking myself "what am I going to do??" (For the record, I have no idea why it was paper towels that brought on this sudden surge of emotion. I'm still trying to figure that out...)
This is my last paycheck. Today I bought things I actually need, it's not like I was being extravagant and looking at makeup or buying clothes. These are necessities. So in two weeks, when I don't get a paycheck and need food, then what am I going to do? I know I won't starve to death, I'm not trying to be dramatic. But this is scary. The unknown is scary. And even the known (such as a lack of paycheck in two weeks) is nerve-wracking.
So there I was, walking towards the check out, trying to get outta there before the sobbing started and then I saw the ONE thing that could make me feel better. I swear I heard angels singing...
And suddenly, all was right in the world. If you don't know, these things are my most favorite chocolate candy bar ever. And I haven't seen them since high school. I literally closed my eyes and said "Thank you Lord" when I saw huge bags of them in the sale section. And you better believe I bought the biggest bag I could find. I won't tell you how many I ate in the car on the way home. But I was happy. :o)
I won't mention that I couldn't find Pirate's Booty at Sprouts today (Sprouts is the go to store in Dallas for produce. I got 4 zucchinis, a huge stalk of celery, 5 apples, a carton of mushrooms and a carton of blackberries for $7.98 today. It's amazing!!) I almost started having heart palpitations b/c that is my I-can't-live-without-it favorite snack but I just reminded myself that I had a huge bag of 100 Grands in the car and I was okay. The heart palpitations stopped. :o)
I know I'm silly. And I'm definitely trying to use humor to get through the hard parts of the day. There aren't many but they're there. I know some people are jealous and would love to trade places with me. I won't lie, it's nice to be home and I love going to the gym when I want and getting to do what I want most of the day but I've applied to 35 jobs in the past 96 hours and I haven't gotten one response. I know these things take time. But 35 jobs?? And not one response??? It's discouraging. And I have no choice but to keep trying and remain positive. I spend my days wondering if I can bartend somehwere, or be a cocktail server or even babysit. Anything to broaden my horizons. I would LOVE to pursue teaching. But I can't wait until August to get a paycheck.
What would ya'll do? If you were in my position, and could pursue anything, what would it be?
Ya'll are fabulous for listening to me ramble. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my thoughts. :o)
I can SOOOO relate to you! I was just in your position... twice! Once when I got out of college and again back in September. Just hang in there. Keep applying and don't give up hope even though it is hard. If you know what you want to do, then I would suggest opening your area of search. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteTake the unemployment and cut back on spending until August. Do what you love! You've contributed to unemployment every paycheck you were working. Be aggressive in the search and take advantage of it now! XOXO, Love you!
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that was your favorite candy bar. I thought it would be something that had lemon in it...not that lots of candy bars have lemon. But I'm surprised.
ReplyDeleteAnd I already told you what you would do if you needed money. So just breathe. :)