Thursday, February 2, 2012

Why are you Single?

For the love of my sanity, I want to know...when did it become appropriate to ask anyone this question? I know I don’t walk around asking married people why they’re married! Seriously, who gave anyone the impression that this was decent human behavior? It’s like asking a woman who just gave birth when she’s due! Or asking a fat guy why he’s fat. Or asking a bitch why they’re a bitch. (I could go on but I’ll spare you.)
I had jury duty on Tuesday and after about an hour, the guy sitting next to me struck up a conversation. 10 minutes into the conversation…”so Jen, why are you single?” Sigh. I thought about saying I accidentally left my wedding ring at home. I thought about asking him why he was married. Instead, I said, “I don’t know, guess I haven’t found the one yet.”
EW. I cringe at the thought of it. Since the guy was nice enough to learn my name and a bit about me before he insulted me with the most ridiculous question known to woman-kind, I let it slide.
On my way to the office (woo hoo, no jury duty for me!), I decided if I’m going to be tortured with the ridiculousness that is this question, then I’m going to have some fun with it. Instead of the generic, “gee, I don’t know,” I’m going to answer this question from now on with ridiculous (but not insulting) answers. I don’t want to offend anybody…I just think a stupid question deserves an equally stupid (if not classic) answer!
I told my mom about my epiphany and she was so entertained by the idea she hopped on Google. A few of the answers she found:
*No one has been smart enough to ask me yet
*Actually, one of my personalities, Jane, is married. But Mary has too many issues, Sue is a commitment-phone and Sally, well, she’s too independent.
*Just lucky, I guess
*I accidentally fell in love with my half brother and we can't legally marry
*I can't decide if I like men or women

And my favorite…
*I mail ordered but he hasn’t shipped yet.
I swear to ya'll, I will use these. AND I want to know if you have any good ones too! Let me know and I will do a follow up post with the best answers and let you know the reactions I get with them. :o)
And guys who are reading this, if I ever find out ya’ll do this to a woman, I will hunt you down myself and smack you. Don't EVER ask a woman this. IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE HUMAN BEHAVIOR!


  1. Or just use Bridget Jones' line: "It's because under our clothes we're completely covered in scales."

    That's like how people like to ask why we don't have kids. I've thought about telling them we've tried but just can't get pregnant and maybe start crying. I bet they'd think twice about asking someone that!

  2. Just kick them. Then blame it on the infertility hormones you're supposedly taking. :o)