Wednesday, November 14, 2012


Nerve Wracking Blessings.  That's what I'm calling these next few weeks. 
This friday I'm getting a few injections in my lower back joints as a final non-invasive attempt to alleviate the pain I've had for the past 12 1/2 WEEKS.  Both a welcome and terrifying procedure.  Welcomed by the family and friends who are beyond sick of hearing about my back pain so they've all taken 2-20 steps back from my life (I don't blame them, I haven't really liked myself much the past 3 months) and terrified by me who has to be injected by needles so big they have to put me under.  EEK.
If you know me, you know I have a fear of needles.  And even if you don't know me, you now know because I just told you.  SERIOUS FEAR.  When I was 10, it took my mother, 3 nurses and my doctor to hold me down for some sort of shot because someone let me see the needle.  To this day, I tell every doctor and nurse no matter what, just DON'T let me see the needle.
Again, I'll be sedated for this procedure but I know what happens.  And my biggest fear is I won't be sedated enough and I'll feel something.  UGH.  Can it be Friday already?  Preferably around 11am or so when I'm comfortably (maybe) sleeping off the sedative on my couch??  One of my bffs Kristen is taking me for the shots (I owe her my life and am beyond grateful she volunteered so I don't have to take a cab!) and my Dad is driving up Saturday morning to help me over the weekend.  I'm a lucky, lucky girl.
Now for the other nerve wracking blessing...the new job.  I am SO grateful I got this position.  And I'm grateful for the transition time I've had.  (I resigned last week and my last day at TM is a week from today.) 
But I'm scared to death.  What if I'm horrible??  What if I have no idea what I'm doing and they think they made a huge mistake???  I won't lie; the past 2 jobs I've had have included a nightmare of a boss.  All situations were taken care of but I don't want to go through all that again.  It's exhausting.  And extremely taxing on one's self esteem.
I have worked so hard the past 2 1/2 years to get where I am at Tuesday Morning.  Not only professionally, but socially.  Comfort doesn't come in a week or even a month or maybe even a year.  I've worked with the same people for at least the past 6 months and we all have our levels of comfort.  We know each other.  We understand how we all operate.  It's comforting. 
I know I won't have that right away and that scares me.  Today I was asking my co-workers how long I need to give my new co-workers until I act like "me."  They said 3 months.  DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT IS TO ACT NORMAL?!?!
Good grief.  This is gonna be interesting ya'll...that's all I have to say.

Happy Hump Day!!


  1. I hope this works and you feel better! You'll be awesome at the new job!

  2. Nikki, thank you!! I hope so :o)